My child has an imaginary friend – what do I do?
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
If you’ve noticed your child talking to an invisible friend or referring to someone who isn’t physically present, you might be wondering if it’s something to be concerned about. The good news is that imaginary friends are a perfectly normal and common part of childhood development.
What is an imaginary friend?
An imaginary friend is a character that a child invents in their mind. These friends can take many forms – they might be a person, an animal, or even a fantastical creature. Typically, children start to create these invisible friends between the ages of 3 and 6, and while many of these friendships fade by the time a child turns 8, some children may continue to interact with their imaginary friends a little longer.
Why do children have imaginary friends?
Imaginary friends play an important role in a child’s emotional and social development. They provide an opportunity for children to practice communication skills, as well as learn empathy. When a child interacts with their imaginary friend, they are essentially practicing social scenarios such as learning to share, and working on problem-solving. In addition, imaginary friends offer comfort, helping children to feel safe and less lonely.
Sometimes, a child might turn to their imaginary friend during times of change or stress, like starting school or dealing with a family move. The imaginary friend becomes a kind of emotional support system, allowing the child to express feelings they might not otherwise be able to articulate.
How do I approach my child having an imaginary friend?
As a parent, your response to your child’s imaginary friend is key. The most important thing is to be supportive. Engage with your child about their imaginary friend – ask questions like, “What’s your friend’s name?” or “What did you and your friend do today?” This not only encourages your child’s creativity but also gives you an insight into how they view their social world.
When speaking about the imaginary friend, try to maintain an open and accepting attitude. It’s easy to dismiss the idea or feel awkward about it, especially if the imaginary friend is very vivid or takes on a larger-than-life persona, but remember that these friends serve an important purpose in your child’s emotional and social development. By acknowledging and showing interest in their imaginary friend, you’re validating your child’s feelings and helping them feel understood.
If you feel uncertain about the imaginary friend, it can be helpful to observe how your child interacts with others. If their social interactions with peers seem healthy and well-adjusted, the imaginary friend is likely a harmless part of their development. However, if you notice signs of isolation or distress, it’s important to address those concerns and offer support.
You might also consider setting boundaries in a playful and lighthearted way. For instance, if the imaginary friend starts interrupting family meals or becoming a distraction in certain situations, calmly and kindly explain the need for certain limits. For example, “It’s time for dinner now, but we can talk about your friend later!” This helps your child understand balance without dismissing the importance of their friend.
Lastly, be patient. Imaginary friends often come and go as part of a child’s evolving imagination. While it can feel strange at times, it’s important to view this phase as a natural part of their developmental journey. Children who have imaginary friends tend to be more creative, empathetic, and able to regulate their emotions, so this stage is something to be celebrated, not discouraged.
If you’re ever unsure, or if the imaginary friend starts to play a more troubling role (e.g., causing fear or distress), don't hesitate to reach out to your GP or Health Visitor for guidance. But for most children, an imaginary friend is simply a charming and temporary part of their childhood adventure.
When do I need to worry about my child having an imaginary friend?
While imaginary friends are generally harmless, there are a few scenarios where you might want to take a step back and assess the situation. If your child becomes increasingly isolated, relying solely on the imaginary friend for companionship and avoiding other children, it could be a sign that they’re struggling with social skills. Similarly, if the imaginary friend becomes a source of distress, causing your child to feel upset or fearful, or if the imaginary friend seems to be influencing your child’s behaviour in a negative way – for example, encouraging harmful or disruptive actions, this may warrant further attention. However, these situations are relatively uncommon.
In most cases, their imaginary friend is just another stage in their development and a creative tool for learning and development. So, the next time you hear your child talking to their invisible friend, rest easy – it’s a sign that they’re developing their imagination and social skills in a way that’s completely natural.
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