10 ways to help tackle tricky behaviour after nursery or school
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
As parents and carers we can often see our little ones have a meltdown after a day at nursery or school. This is known as ‘after-school restraint collapse’ and happens when children, who have been holding it together all day, finally let out all their pent-up emotions when they return to their safe space at home or when they see you and feel safe to relax and show how they are feeling.
For many children, school or nursery can be overwhelming, filled with new experiences, separation from their primary carers, and the challenge of managing emotions in a new social setting. Think of a fizzy drink bottle being shaken a little bit, and then a little bit more, all through the day and by the time they get home, they’re exhausted and ready to release all that bottled up emotion, which can just fizz over! While it can be tough to be on the receiving end of this, it’s important to remember that it’s a sign your child feels secure with you and in their familiar surroundings.
Here are 10 strategies to help navigate these tricky moments:
1. Give Them Time to Decompress. After pick-up, allow your child some time to unwind. This could be a quick run around the playground, a quiet moment in the car or on the walk home, playing their favourite game, having a shower or a bath (we all know how much more relaxed that can make us feel!) or just allowing them to do their own thing if this is what they want and need at the time.
2. Offer a Snack. Hunger can be a major trigger for post-school meltdowns. Have a snack ready for your child to enjoy as soon as they come out. This can really help to stabilise their mood and avoid those ‘hangry’ moments!
3. Limit Questions. As hard as it is not to, instead of asking lots of questions about their day, say things like, "I’m so happy to see you," or share something with them about your own day. This reduces pressure on them and gives them space to talk when they’re ready.
4. Listen and Acknowledge. Show your child that their feelings are important by listening carefully and acknowledging their emotions. This can be incredibly comforting for them. By listening about their day (when they are ready to share) you will be able to pick up if there is something that they are particularly struggling with, which can then mean you are able to work on this and in turn might also help with those tricky post school/nursery moments.
5. Prioritise Connection. Spend some one-to-one time with your child, even if it’s just 10-15 minutes – no phones or other screens to distract either of you. This uninterrupted time helps them to feel secure and connected. For some children they may need this at the start of the day to help with the transition to school/nursery, for others it is what they need on return from school.
6. Stay Calm. It’s important to try and keep your own emotions in check during these moments – have a look at our blog on keeping calm here.
7. Prepare for Separation. Helping your child manage separation from you can reduce their stress. Read more about this in our blogs on separation anxiety here.
8. Allow for Meltdowns. Sometimes, children just need to let it all out. Create a safe and supportive space for them to do this, letting them know you are there for them if they need you. Having some resources to help calm your little one may also be good to have to hand - e.g. fidget toys, sensory activities such as playdough or water play. Breathing exercises can be useful too.
9. Plan accordingly. If you notice your child is struggling after school or nursery and you have planned to go to other activities straight from there, consider whether you could adjust this (at least temporarily) to allow for some down time instead of jumping straight into another group or activity.
10. Speak to your child’s setting. If you think that there might be an issue at school or nursery which is proving challenging for your child then it is important that you speak with your child’s keyworker or class teacher to see if there is anything that they are able to do during the day to help.
Remember, these meltdowns can be temporary and are often just a way for your child to process their day. With time and patience, using some of the strategies above, you can help your child to learn how to manage their emotions more effectively.
For more advice on keeping your calm and supporting your child’s emotional well-being, check out our behaviour blogs here.
This episode of our podcast Starting School may also be helpful (this link is to Apple Podcasts, but listen wherever you get your podcasts via the link here):
While you are here why not check out our video guides on various topics including behaviour, sleep, teens and tweens and more - for information - click here
Don’t forget that we offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more! Details of the packages we offer can be found here.
We also have a podcast - ‘Newborn to Teen and Everything in Between’ - listen here.
