Sleep and older children! The 3rd and final blog in our sleep series
Written by Claire Burgess, Family Consultant
Babies and sleep is a topic which is discussed a lot - it is expected that our youngest children won’t sleep well through the night in their first few months, but often our older children can develop sleep issues for various reasons, which can leave parents at a loss as to how to resolve them!
The importance of sleep remains the same, children need to get a good amount of unbroken restful sleep so that they are able to grow and develop (adults need quality sleep too) it also helps us to maintain good mental health. Tiredness has a detrimental effect on so many aspects of our lives, for example, when we are tired we are not able to problem solve in the same way that we would if we were rested etc. Tolerance levels are also reduced and this can mean that your child’s behaviour is impacted – they aren’t able to manage situations in a rational and calm way which they might be able to if they have had a good restful sleep.
“The physical and mental impairments caused by one night of bad sleep dwarf those caused by an equivalent absence of food or exercise.”
Matthew Walker, Why We Sleep: The New Science of Sleep and Dreams
The topic of sleep in relation to older children has been featured in a large number of recent news reports due to the changing sleep habits of our children and, more worryingly, the increase of sleep issues as a result. Many of the reasons given for these changing sleep habits are put down to the introduction of the ‘device’ whether this a television in the bedroom, smart phones, game consoles or computers. But are they the sole issue? No, I don’t think they are, but they do have a significant impact on sleep. Not only do these devices emit a blue light which tricks the body into thinking that it is day time (meaning that when we need to be producing melatonin in order to have restful sleep, the body is being stimulated so that the brain feels it needs to be ready to communicate with the world at any time of the day or, in fact, night!) we are also creating a 24-hour world for our children and in this respect a child’s need for learning, investigating and interaction is increased in a world where they can do this around the clock. If we look back 20 years ago, children’s television was only on for a couple of hours per day (not the 24 hours on repeat that we have today), there were no portable devices, which meant we weren’t able to play games or interact with a virtual world at any opportunity. This is just one area which is impacting not only our children’s sleep, but the sleep of adults too!
We are also seeing a great deal in the media about the rise in childhood obesity and the fact our children are just not as active as they were. If our children are not as active, they are of course not burning off energy, but alongside this, they are also not going out in the fresh air as much as they were. We all know that if we are out in the fresh air we are much more tired when it comes to bed time. This comes from the need to have fresh air but also daylight in order to trigger daytime hormones and set our circadian rhythm (using daytime and night time hormones). If we have not been moving or haven’t been out of the house all day we are not going to go to bed and fall to sleep as well as we would have if we had spent time outside.
It is very likely that you will have established a good bedtime routine when your children were little and this will change and evolve as your child gets older. The bedtime routine needs to change to meet your child’s age, but there does still need to be a routine. It is important to start to create independence for children, but they still need to have the wind down time to trigger their sleep hormone so that they can go off to sleep more easily. We all have a routine when we are getting ready for bed and we need to establish this for our children as they get older. It might be that you still make time for your child to have a bath or shower before getting ready for bed, but it might then be that you have a chat with them in their bedroom about their day and perhaps stay with them to read a book or give them time to read on their own. Make sure that you set the boundaries at this stage so that your child knows that they have 20 mins to read and then it will be lights off. Stick to this and set a timer if need be to ensure that you are not distracted and forget to go back in and check. It can be tempting to not have a routine for bed time as your children get older, or to have a changeable routine each day, but this can then mean you start to have your child going to sleep later at night or even waking earlier in the mornings. Both of these scenarios are the result of your child getting overtired meaning that they are not settling to sleep in a way that is restful and of good quality.
Does your child have stalling tactics?! You try to say goodnight to them and then the list of requests start? Calling out for things is rarely about something they need (a drink, to go to the toilet, a certain toy etc) but is very often their need for additional attention. First of all, try to be one step ahead of them, so always have a drink by their bed, check that they have been to the toilet, give them a snack before heading up stairs for bed (if you think that it is needed), so that when it comes to settling them down for bed you are confident that they don’t need any of these things. This call for attention is when you need to look at if you have put 5-10 mins into the bedtime routine where you are able to have some quiet time with them, either having a chat or reading a book etc. This is often the time that your child will raise something with you that might be worrying them, or that they just need to share with you. If you don’t have this time in the routine it can often result in your child stalling or calling to get your attention. For school age children this time can be your opportunity to check that things are going OK at school, particularly with friendship groups as if they have something on their mind it will impact on their ability to sleep. If your child is going through a difficult time, then look at putting some time in earlier in the day (perhaps by going for a walk before tea or talking over tea) to talk about things so that it is not always saved up for just before bed.
8 tips for a better night’s sleep:
Don’t have any devices in the bedroom or ensure that the use of them is restricted -i.e. no screens for at least one hour before bedtime. Having no screens will make sure that the body can trigger melatonin (the sleep hormone) in the body. Know how the devices work and how to restrict/shut them down so that your child is not able to switch them on in the middle of the night. Putting device house rules in place can help so that everyone understands when it is ok to use their devices. For example allow the use of devices straight after school for a period of time, but then the rule is that they are switched off before dinner, for the night. Setting boundaries and explanations for device use will help your child to know when they can and cannot use them.
Understand what your child is doing when using their devices – some children will be playing games which they are not able to switch off from and can sometimes be waking in the night in order to check on their status. This firstly means that they are having broken sleep, but also that the blue light emitted from the devices can affect their sleep for the rest of that night. Talk to your child to find out what they are playing, doing online etc. so that there is an open dialogue. Take the same sort of interest in this as you would if they attend a club/group or in what is happening at school.
Check on the child’s bedroom environment – is it dark enough? Do the hand test – if you can see your hand in front of your face then it is too light in the room! It also needs to be unstimulating so remove things which might be a temptation to play with. If you have night lights these need to be either red or orange – these are the same colours that feature prominently in sunsets, nature's very own way of telling us to get ready for bed!
Get outside in the fresh air and encourage your children to do the same! A minimum of 30 minutes per day will help.
Look at your child’s weekly schedule – do they have time just to play or even to be bored? If your child is going from school to after school groups/classes etc. think about when they are having the opportunity to wind down.
At weekends think about having chill time after lunch where everyone has an hour or so to read books in their room or to do a quiet activity such as playing a board game etc. This can help to relax your child and help them to be rested for bedtime. You may even find that your child will fall asleep, which isn’t a bad thing!
Be prepared for stalling tactics! Be one step ahead! Adapt the bedtime routine so that it is appropriate for your child’s age but also ensure that there is a routine, which will help to trigger the sleep hormones. Most importantly ensure that you have put 1:1 time into the routine to give your child that time with you to share things if they need to.
Teach your children about the importance of having good sleep – be a good role model to them - do you also need to have a self-imposed device ban for an hour before you go to bed?
You might feel that once your child has passed the stage of not being able to self-settle when they were very small that they no longer need your help with sleep. This couldn’t be further from the truth – our children still need to be guided and supported with their sleep right up to and through their teenage years. The same sleep rules we use for our children apply to us as adults and we should also put rules in place to ensure that our own sleep quality is the best it can be. The routines and boundaries that you put in place now for your children will help them with their sleep for the rest of their lives.
Some further food for thought as your children grow into teenagers..!
“asking your teenage son or daughter to go to bed and fall asleep at ten p.m. is the circadian equivalent of asking you, their parent, to go to sleep at seven or eight p.m. No matter how loud you enunciate the order, no matter how much that teenager truly wishes to obey your instruction, and no matter what amount of willed effort is applied by either of the two parties, the circadian rhythm of a teenager will not be miraculously coaxed into a change. Furthermore, asking that same teenager to wake up at seven the next morning and function with intellect, grace, and good mood is the equivalent of asking you, their parent, to do the same at four or five a.m.”
Matthew Walker, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams
While you are here we have lots more blogs on various topics which you can find here, as well as our downloadable webinars on topics such as behaviour and emotions, sleep and toilet training.
Don’t forget that we offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more! Details of the packages we offer can be found here.
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