Getting to know... Sharon Darke, Bereavement Support Coordinator at Twins Trust

Please be aware that this blog contains references to baby loss and bereavement.

Twins Trust’s Bereavement Support Group offers a safe space for parents to talk to someone that has sadly been through the same experience of bereavement following the death of one or more of their children.  Sharon is the first point of contact for parents and carers who get in touch.  We met up with Sharon at the Twins Trust Volunteer day in March and talked to her about the important role that the group plays for bereaved parents. 

Sharon

What’s your story and how did you come to work at Twins Trust?

I had identical twin boys Charlie and Joshua at 26 weeks. Charlie lived for 7 days and Joshua lived for 13. I have some amazing memories of my boys during the time that they were alive. They were born in 1999 so would be 21 this year.  For me it has always been so important to keep their memory alive. I had Jess exactly a year later and she is now 19 and Samuel, who is now 17.

I got in touch with Tamba (now Twins Trust) 4 months after my twins died when I was struggling with my grief and got put in touch with a lovely befriender who really helped. 

A year later I decided that I wanted to help and began volunteering as a befriender. I did this for around 14 years and spoke to lots of lovely people, many of whom I became friends with.

I then got asked to coordinate the bereavement group and began to work for Twins Trust, which I have continued to do for the last 6 years. I love working for Twins Trust and feel privileged to talk to so many people and hear about their precious babies. 

You coordinate the Bereavement Support Group at Twins Trust – How would you describe the Group?

The group is such a kind and supportive group of people. The advice and support that we all offer each other is just amazing during such an impossible and difficult time in people’s lives.

What sort of support can the group offer?

We have lots of support at Twins Trust, including a bereavement support booklet which can be downloaded here as well as a secret Facebook group with around 600 members. We also have a befriending service where I match bereaved parents or grandparents to a befriender with a similar experience to themselves. I write quarterly newsletters which readers can sign up to here. Our website also has a memorial page and other useful information here. 

Can other carers seek support through the group (for example Grandparents)? 

Yes we have a grandmother befriender as well as two dads.  We also have many dads and a few grandparents in our Facebook group.

If a twin or triplet gets in touch to say that they need support because a sibling has died can you help them too? 

We do have a few stories from siblings in our bereavement booklet that we can share with siblings. We also have a few befrienders with older survivors / siblings that might be willing to help.

I have recently been in contact with The Lone Twin Network who run a service especially for twins or triplets themselves, over the age of 18 which also might be helpful.

How do families who have suffered a bereavement of a child find out about the group and how can they get in touch?

We hope that lots of our families will already know about Twins Trust but if not we hope that the hospitals will tell them about us, as well as some of the other baby loss charities.

Most people email us in the first instance and then we reply with all of the support information.  I then arrange to chat to anybody who would like a befriender.

Our email address is bereavementsupport@twinstrust.org We welcome emails from anyone who wants to find out more or is from a bereaved family.

 What is your main advice for families who are experiencing bereavement?

I think that is such a difficult question as we are all so different, but I would say; 

·       Take one day at a time- it is so hard to look too far into the future.  

·       Use any support that is offered to you that you find helpful and leave things that are not.

·       Don’t expect too much from yourself.

·       Be selfish - just look after yourself and your family, everyone else will understand.

For me personally I love to talk about my twin boys and say their names. I always try to keep their memory alive and they have been a big part of our family even though they died. I am proud to be a twin mum. I also found it really helpful to write and started a blog just before their 18th birthday which I still write now - you can read it here.

Don’t forget that we offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more. Details of the packages we offer can be found here.

We also have a podcast - ‘Newborn to Teen and Everything in Between’ - listen here.