WRITTEN BY CLAIRE BURGESS, FAMILY CONSULTANT

In recent weeks this is a question that I have been asked several times and so I thought that I would write a blog on the topic!  Headbanging is a behaviour which often causes adults great distress - seeing a child repeatedly banging their head is very hard to watch and to understand. 

Why and when does headbanging start?

Head banging is common and in many cases it is something that a child gets pleasure from (yes pleasure, you wouldn’t have thought it!).  It’s sensory in the same way as sucking a thumb, twirling hair or rocking, to name a few and is also rhythmic which young children can find soothing. 

Headbanging can start as early as 6 months old and has normally stopped by the time a child is 5 years old.  It can be something that your child does for a short time, or they may do it at every sleep time in order to get themselves to sleep. 

When might you see it?

Headbanging triggers or reasons can be different for each child, but you can typically see this behaviour when a baby or child is:

• Overtired or overstimulated.

• Getting themselves to sleep and they use head banging as a self-soothing technique. 

• Frustrated or angry with situations and do not have the words to tell you what the problem might be.

• In pain with things such as teething or an ear infection.

• Needing attention.

• Trying to self-comfort.

• Experiencing food intolerances, this is not as common and not much research has been carried out on this. There are normally much more obvious signs of food intolerances but some parents and professionals feel that head banging can be a behavioural sign of food intolerances. If you think that there might be an association with your child then do speak with your Health Visitor or GP.

• There are a great many articles which state that headbanging can be associated with some developmental conditions such as Autism or developmental delay.  It is important that you look at when the headbanging occurs and its frequency.  As a general rule, if your child is developing as expected (regarding areas such as speech, social skills etc) and the head banging normally occurs due to the reasons listed above then it is likely to be linked to your child’s need for rhythm and movement rather than a developmental condition.  However, if you are concerned then do speak with your Health Visitor or GP so that they can look at this in more detail with you. 

What headbanging looks like

You may see your child banging their heads on various different surfaces, from their cot to the floor, on you or a wall.  It can be very individual for each child as to where and when they might head bang and the situation that they are in at the time.  

It is important to watch your child to see what the triggers might be, so, just before they start to head bang what has happened, ask yourself questions such as:

• What is the time? Could it be to do with tiredness or hunger and if so does the routine need to be tweaked to avoid your child getting too hungry or tired.

• Is it due to frustration? Has your child been trying to do something and not succeeded? Are they trying to get you to do something and you have said no? Frustration for our young children can be a very difficult emotion for them to cope with as it can be overwhelming, so looking to reduce the frustration by stepping in to help calm your child, providing explanation as to why they can’t do something and then looking to help them move on to something else or help them with the task that they are struggling with. 

• Is this my child’s way of releasing their emotions in the way that another child might have a tantrum or throw something? Very often this is likely to be your child’s coping strategy, whereas other children might have an outburst or tantrum, or take to hitting or throwing type behaviours. Using emotional language with your child from a young age to help them understand what they might be feeling and why, might help with reducing the overwhelm of emotion and therefore your child’s need to headbang. You might be interested in our Guide to Behaviours and Emotions where we cover this in a lot more detail and have recommendations for resources which might also help. 

• What is my reaction to the headbanging? Very often a child will head bang once or twice and it is then the adult’s reaction to this that can then make the situation more frequent.  Having a strong reaction to things our children do like appearing distressed, worried, anxious etc can cause confusion for our children.  We all have strategies to help us to relax, make us feel better - they are different for each of us and very often we don’t always know that we are doing certain things e.g. twirling hair, biting nails etc and it is only if someone points it out to us that we are really aware of it.  For children who headbang they are very unlikely to understand that this is something that they shouldn’t do, as in most cases it is something that they have found which provides them with comfort and reassurance. Keeping your reaction as calm as possible will help in this situation. Have a look at my top tips below!

How to deal with headbanging:

• Protect from injury – First of all we need to make sure that a child is safe. You may want to look at giving them a special cushion which they can use when they are in a play space etc and start to headbang - (NEVER put a cushion or padding in a cot etc with a baby and follow safer sleep guidelines https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/clear-cot/ ). It is not always about stopping your child from headbanging (we all know the more we are told or stopped from doing something the more we try to do it).  Instead it might be looking to support your child through this phase by giving them a safe space to be able to do this, especially if this is the action which is providing them with comfort at the time. Try to make sure that if they are headbanging when in their cot or bed that they are not close to hard surfaces such as bedside tables, the wall etc. 

• Positive attention – our children, regardless of age, thrive on positive attention.  They need our attention and, if they feel that they are not getting this (for whatever reason), we can often see a change in behaviour which is designed to get our attention.  This can be the case with headbanging and we don’t want a child to feel that the best way to gain your attention is to do this.  So, give recognition when they are playing well, lots of explanation about what is happening and when and opportunities for 1:1 time with you.  This will all help if headbanging is being used to gain your attention. 

• Try not to focus on the headbanging and try to get to the root of the cause – this can be the hardest thing to do as you don’t want your child to cause themselves any discomfort.  Often when we step in, sometimes feeling stressed or anxious that our child is doing this, it can unsettle them more and their need to head bang, to provide themselves with comfort, becomes more intense. *obviously if your child is putting themselves in danger then you do need to respond, but try to remain as calm as possible moving them to a safe place where they might continue to headbang but on a softer or safer surface.Focusing on the headbanging and asking them why they are doing it, explaining that they need to stop is not going to get to the root of the cause.  It is about you looking at what the triggers are to this behaviour and what the underpinning emotions might be at the time in order to help your child overcome this.  By focusing in this way, the headbanging should then reduce.  

• Develop alternative means for rhythm – this might be that you look at introducing music during the day so that you can dance or play musical instruments, clapping etc.  Also getting outside and plenty of exercise will also help. 

The only time that you possibly won’t see headbanging stop is when a child is using it as a self-soothing technique in order to go to sleep.  Some babies and children will roll around in their cod/bed, some sing to themselves, some rock on all fours and some children bang their head.  If they are not causing themselves any harm or in danger in anyway then you are best to let them work through this and very often it stops when they start to find other techniques to settle to sleep.

As I have said, headbanging can be really distressing to see, but the important thing to remember is to remain calm and look at the root cause of why the headbanging might be happening.  As with all behavioural issues remember that this is a phase which will pass and that there are things you can do to support your child through it.

 As mentioned above you might be interested in our video guides which cover lots of different topics including behaviour and emotions, play, sleep, toilet training and many more! For more information - click here

Don’t forget that we offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more! Details of the packages we offer can be found here.

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