WRITTEN BY ABBY WHEELER

When Abby became pregnant, she couldn’t have imagined the way the world would look when her son was born. Here she tells her story of bringing a baby in to the world during lockdown - it’s a story that many of you will identify with - there have been tough times, positive moments and now hope for the future. Here’s Abby…

Having a new baby in September 2020 started in much the same way as many new parents - once we were home, we could have visitors to meet our new little man for the very first time and I even managed to get out to cafés a couple of times to meet friends. I set into a new rhythm of life as a mum, trying to work out things on the baby front but also learning how to fill my days. 

For me, it was really important to have one thing planned every day which meant I got out of the house. As lockdown restrictions tightened this became trickier and basically left me with arranging to meet someone every day for a walk. To start with this was pretty pleasant, but as the British winter descended so did the resilience of my fellow walkers, leaving just a few of us who were willing to brave any conditions to just get out in pursuit of maintaining our mental health whilst giving our babies some fresh air, and often getting them to sleep!!

The more restrictions tightened, and the weather worsened the more challenges we faced: Cafés closed which meant we couldn’t stop anywhere, so we would just walk and chat. Toilets closed, so we would just moderate our fluid intake each day when out and about, and basically lived in a perpetual state of dehydration (I had had a c-section so faired pretty well in this respect, but for friends recovering from vaginal birth, this was a real anxiety driver!) The rule of 6 reduced to 2, so we had to quickly decide who from the 10 other mums in our virtual antenatal group we wanted to try and form a lasting friendship with. With nowhere but a park bench to change and feed our new little ones, this meant that as the weather got wetter and colder we would hope our babies would last until we got home for a change and a feed. For me this led to a lot of VERY quick marches up a VERY steep hill to get home to feed a crying baby. 

Not being able to take my little boy anywhere was pretty tough and on bad days this has to be one of the hardest things I’ve faced. But the worst thing I have found is not being able to share my baby with others that I love, almost feeling like I have a secret baby who is growing up and changing so quickly but that no one in my life gets to share in.  

On the flip side there have definitely been positives to these challenging times:

• My husband has been working from home since our son was born, which means he gets to see so much more of our son than he otherwise would have. He pops down at lunchtime, and when he finishes at 5.15pm he is immediately home to come and play or relieve me for an hour before bath time. This has been a saviour for my mental state at times; on days when the boy will not nap or stop crying (for who knows what reason), having someone else to just turn to in those moments, even between work commitments, to either take him for 5 minutes so I could just step away, or to talk through the challenge with someone who is equally invested has been invaluable. There have been moments when I have really thought that I don’t know if I could have done it without him home all the time. 

• Time at home has been a blessing giving me time to focus on finding a rhythm as a new mum, without other opinions or influences. To focus on getting into a routine/rhythm that we are really comfortable with has been great. 

• Lack of FOMO (Fear of missing out) has been amazing! Life for everyone has slowed down / all but stopped on the social side, so I have been able to totally focus on my little man without any FOMO ( I am not good at missing out!) Had life been in a normal state I think as a new mum I would have really struggled to balance my new mum life with my old one. 

• Appreciation of the little things has really helped me cope, it now takes such small things to make my day. I’ve become really grateful for all the bakeries that have stayed open to provide the much-needed coffee and cake on my daily walks.  This can lift me from a real funk on the most challenging days, so thank you! Also, I have really grown to appreciate the green spaces around me providing destinations for my walks. 

• The final positive point has been the one-to-one time with my fellow resilient mums which has given me time to form meaningful friendships facing the shared challenges together. 

As things look set to open up, I find myself equally excited and anxious of what’s to come. I can’t wait to take my son to classes to fill the days, and for him to engage with other babies. However, the thought of having to be at a certain place at a certain time is a little daunting and not knowing how my little boy will cope with groups makes me a little apprehensive. 

People will start to do things socially again and I am finding myself anxious about how my two lives (life before pregnancy and lockdown and life as a mum), now collide to make a new life, balancing the two without over committing. But, as I am learning, life with a baby never stands still - just when you think you have it sussed everything changes! So, in the same way that we adapt to parenting with our little boy, we will take on the challenges of the world opening up - day by day.  

While you are here, you might be interested in checking out our webinars which cover lots of different topics including welcoming and caring for newborns, breast-feeding, behaviour, sleep, toilet training and more! For more information - click here

Don’t forget that we offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more! Details of the packages we offer can be found here.

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