WRITTEN BY CLAIRE BURGESS, FAMILY CONSULTANT

There have been thousands of babies born during 2020, a year when we have seen lockdowns and more social isolation than we have ever experienced before! This has brought about a great deal of concern for parents, often questioning if this isolation from friends, family, activity groups and classes will have an impact on their baby’s development. 

What is normal? 

Our babies need to have primary care givers, these are one or two people who meet their every need from love, care and attention to food and shelter etc.  Babies don’t have to have lots of people around them, as the bond that is built with those very key people (typically their parents) is what makes them feel safe, secure and at ease.  When our babies feel these things is when they are able to learn and develop to their full potential!  

We often think is it vital that our baby sees and is held by different people from an early age so that they are not shy or reluctant to go to others, and so that they don’t become over-reliant on their parents.  Yes, our babies are social beings, as are we, but it is more about quality rather than quantity! The quality interactions that our babies have from those primary caregivers will help them to grow and develop into their own little personalities.  Social interactions are valuable, but don’t forget those interactions that your baby might be having when you go out for a walk or to the park, or even to the shops.  On these outings they will see adults and other children which will start to build their understanding that there are other people in this world, not just their parents, and this can be enough.

In the first 2 years, our babies are in a stage of their development where they engage with solitary play, this means that they are focussed on the toys or activity that they are doing and do not have interest in what others are doing. If they are at nursery, or if you were attending a group or class, then they might have other babies or children around them, but this is not a requirement in order for them to be able to learn and develop. 

What if they won’t go to other people (family and friends) after all of this?

It is going to take your baby some time to adjust as it does for anyone when there is a change.  The important part is how you approach it; if you feel confident and comfortable, then your baby will too. 

Babies and children go through different stages of separation anxiety (see our blog for more on this: Don’t Leave Me) and this is a completely normal and natural part of development.  If you are with them your baby won’t be experiencing separation anxiety as such, but the principles of socialising and introducing your baby to new people, or being held by people other than you, are the same as when your baby is going through separation anxiety (even though you are right there). 

• Don’t just expect your baby to go to other people, remember that our babies have heightened senses to things such as sound, touch and smell.  Someone who looks, sounds and smells different is going to take some getting used to.  Let your baby sit on your lap (remember, you provide them with the security and comfort they need) and then let them adjust to the new person in front of them.  
  You may need to explain to the other adult that your baby is taking some time to adjust to seeing people and being held by them, so you are just giving them time to observe before handing them over for a cuddle.  It will all work out much better if your baby has the time to adjust rather than handing them over straight away - they get upset and then come back to you – which will just make it an upsetting experience for you, your baby and the person who was hoping to have a cuddle.  

• Gently does it, is the way to go. It might mean that your baby sits with you for the first few meetings with new people - it might not be that after 10 minutes they are ready, and that is fine.  Trust your instincts and you will know if your baby is feeling happy and comfortable to go to someone else.

• Don’t just leave them – when the time comes and you can leave your baby with others, make sure that it is done gradually.  We can be tempted to just drop them off and leave them (and some people may suggest this) but this is going to be hard on your baby and on you.  Your baby needs to be able to trust you and the person that they are getting to know, so having time with you both together, in an environment that they know etc will all help.  Going ‘cold turkey’ is likely to cause your baby to be more apprehensive of going to others if they think you will just get up and leave.

• Not being able to see people can be difficult, but having photos of family and friends which you look at with your baby can certainly help.  Babies are very good at recognising faces, they are drawn to them, so having some photos in an album which you sit and go through with them – talk about the people, say their names, share funny stories or memories (yes, even with our smallest of babies this will help) and when they are a little bigger it can be in their book box so that they can take a look when they want to. 

• Technology is not something that we want to over-expose our babies to, but in the current circumstances this does provide a wonderful link to friends and family.  Talking to a baby via video call can be tricky as they get distracted and are not always able to do respond, so perhaps suggest that family members read a story over a video call or record themselves reading a book which you can look at with your baby at the same time.  This will help your baby to be able to recognise voices and faces – they might be in 2D but it all helps to create a greater understanding and familiarity for then they do see the person in 3D! Just try to avoid using screens around nap or bedtimes and try not to use a screen too much during the day particularly as your baby is still so little.

• On the same theme of making good use of technology, having a shared photo stream on your phones or WhatsApp with a group of people where you can share photos and videos etc of your little one, will help you keep a connection with the family and friends in sharing your day to day with them.

• Look at what online baby groups there are in your area, this can help with activity inspiration and can also help make connections with other parents.  This might also mean that you are able to meet up for a walk somewhere or when groups or classes are running again there is some familiarity for both you and your baby.

• Looking after you is just as important.  How we are feeling can often have a significant impact on our babies as they are very attuned to their parent.  Take time to look after you, do things that help you relax and feel happy and this will make a difference for you and your baby.  

We can’t change the situation and it will be ok

It is such a strange situation that we are in and we have to prioritise staying safe and well. At the moment I can’t say for certain that this won’t have any lasting negative effects on our children (or us!) as we simply don’t know, but what we do know, from years and years of research, is that our babies need to have a safe, loving and secure family unit with 1 or 2 main carers who meet their needs in order to thrive.  Our current situation has not taken this away - if anything it has only increased the opportunity for this bonding to take place.

If you are able to provide an environment at home which is stimulating and engaging, offering a variety of activities (there are SO many ideas for newborns through to older children on social media platforms where you can gain lots of inspiration) opportunities for getting out into the fresh air and time with you, your baby will be having all of their developmental needs met. 

It is also important to remember that we are making relationships throughout our lives, they don’t only happen when we are young.  We are emotional beings and our brains are always adapting to the situation that we are in at the time.  Your baby right now is learning what a loving and caring relationship feels like from you, they will take this learning forward and will use it to form their own relationships with family and friends.  

Try to see this time now as you teaching them how to love, care and build relationships, which I would say is a pretty amazing thing to be doing! They will build and make relationships, they just might need some extra support, guidance and time.

While you are here, you might be interested in checking out our video guides which cover lots of different topics including welcoming and caring for newborns, breast-feeding, behaviour, sleep, toilet training and more! For more information - click here

Don’t forget that we offer parent consultations should you need support with anything from sleep to behaviour and so much more! Details of the packages we offer can be found here.

We also have a podcast - ‘Newborn to Teen and Everything in Between’ - listen here.