WRITTEN BY EMILY DARWELL, FAMILY CONSULTANT

The Fourth Trimester is often used to describe the time after your baby is born when you and your baby/babies are getting used to your new lives together.  As with the other trimesters this is around 3 months. 

There is a lot for a baby (and you) get used to in this first 3 months not least learning how to be together!  This is also a time for babies to develop their senses and get used to all the noises, smells and sounds they encounter outside of the relatively quiet, dark, warm womb.

When reading the blog, particularly if you have older children, or multiples, keep in mind that while there are lots of useful pieces of information to help you to support your baby / babies during this time, in lots of cases it might be difficult for you to devote this time solely to your baby /babies with so many other things going on.  The important thing, during these first 3 months in particular,  is that you recognise that this is a period of adjustment for everyone and that your baby / babies, their siblings and your partner have plenty of love and support to help make this whole transition easier for everyone. 

Emily Darwell, our Family Consultant, has written this blog all about the fourth trimester from her own experiences, both personal and professional – here she is: 

As we have all heard, pregnancy is divided into trimesters:

The first trimester is from week 1 to the end of week 12, this is usually when you would have the first ultrasound appointment - when it suddenly becomes ‘real’ (or if your anything like me, you start to really believe you're expecting a tiny human and it's not just bread bloat!) 

The second trimester is from week 13 to the end of week 26. By this point you may have chosen to even find out if you are expecting a baby boy or girl, and if so, let the planning commence! 

The third trimester is from week 27 to the end of the pregnancy. 

In the UK a pregnancy is considered full-term at 37 weeks, however your baby has a great deal of adjustment to do outside of the womb in those first 12 weeks. Those precious life changing 12 weeks after birth are often known as the Fourth Trimester and this period of time is just as important as the first three trimesters.

This stage of baby’s life is widely recognised as a significant time in their development.  Babies are likely to cry more in this 3 month period than at any other time in their life.  This usually peaks at around 5 to 6 weeks and starts to ease off by the time they reach 3 months old. Crying can be distressing for new parents but understandable when you think of your baby’s recent transition from the comfort of the womb to the outside world -  the biggest transition of life! 

The life they knew before they were born was safe and forever predictable.  Your baby had constant nutrition on tap, (clever umbilical cord!) sounds were muffled and reassuring, it was dark and confined, they felt constantly held and everything they touched was warm and soft. They could sleep easily as they felt reassuringly safe and protected enjoying their mother’s daily movements to help them drift off without effort. The sound of their mother’s heartbeat and blood rushing through her veins created the perfect environment, they were surrounded by amniotic fluid feeling weightless and relaxed, naked and could move easily. 

In the outside world your baby can feel the air on their skin, clothing for the first time, it is bright, loud, busy, they feel hunger and tiredness not understanding why or what it is, they don’t understand why they are suddenly a separate person from their mother and understandably all of this is a lot for them. 

Babies cry to communicate something, be it hunger, tiredness, discomfort, the need for movement, to be rocked and feel the motion they were used to in the womb, or simply for reassurance and comfort - a simple cuddle and to be held, hearing again that reassuring heartbeat and feeling the warmth of another body against theirs. The fourth trimester is time for baby to adapt to these changes with your help, support and love.

A lot of new parents say their baby isn't happy anywhere but on them, but they worry they might ‘spoil’ their newborn by holding them ‘too much’. In my opinion, as a mother as well as professional, I don't believe that this is true, especially during the first three months.  View the fourth trimester as a time to really get to know your baby, learning their little noises takes time, and that's ok! 

Responding to your newborn's needs is a hugely beneficial thing; when we feel happy and safe, we can thrive. You are still learning and trying to understand their next need and so try to see life from their point of view.  Remember about where they have come from and try to recreate a ‘womb like’ environment as much as possible. I am not however suggesting that you sit in a dark room swaying back and forth with a wave machine, or that you need to hold your baby 24/7, but, if your baby is saying they are unhappy and you know they are fed, well winded, clean and not tired it may be just a case of needing you to feel and smell something familiar and to hear a reassuring loving voice. 

If you see this as their fourth trimester it may help you to know you don’t need to have all the answers, but trying to be there for your little one and being responsive is the only thing that matters!

Things you can do in the fourth trimester to help your little one feel secure and more settled in the outside world.

• Eye contact (and lots of it!) it’s important for your baby’s brain development as well as social and emotional development. Babies can make eye contact as soon as they are born, your faces will be the most important thing they can see although blurred at this point. Eye contact releases oxytocin and helps strengthen your bond.

• Taking to them softly with a reassuring voice.  Your baby is used to only hearing muffled voices in the womb, so hearing lots of chat is not only comforting to them but also promotes their language development. Humming, singing, playing peekaboo etc can also help. I always recommend doing a ‘running commentary’ of what you’re doing/where you’re going etc., I feel it can help baby understand their day/their surroundings and what you’re doing much better. It is also respectful, explaining why you are busily getting them into their car seat “Mama / Dada is putting you in the car so we can go and do the food shop” (etc), it may not be their idea of fun (or yours for that matter!) but that's the plan and you’re in it together!

• Swaddling - after feeling safe and confined in the womb, swaddling can help to recreate this feeling, making your baby feel secure. Some babies enjoy this feeling of being hugged and it can also help them sleep more soundly. Have a look at the blog Claire wrote about swaddling here.

• Skin to skin time has so many benefits, not only for bonding but also to increase the mother’s milk supply (if breastfeeding), strengthening baby’s immunity, helping to regulate baby’s heart rate and breathing as well as baby’s body temperature.  It can also help to prevent postal depression and anxiety amongst many other benefits! The magic of touch should never be undervalued. We had ‘mama cuddles’ every morning where I made sure I did nothing but skin to skin time after his morning feed, later in the day I made time wearing a fantastic top I got from Seraphine (see the link at the end of the blog), which enabled me to give Beau skin to skin time whilst remaining covered!

• Baby wearing - not only is this a benefit to a new parent who will need to get things done and have free hands, but massively beneficial to your new baby.  It is thought that baby wearing can help babies’ social and cognitive development as they are more at your level as opposed to being in a buggy etc. Baby will cry less as they are close to you feeling the warmth of your body, hearing your heartbeat and making them feel reassured with this familiar feeling of being in the womb. If this your second child, baby wearing can be very helpful in having free hands to help your first born too.

• Tummy time - other than some instinctive reflexes and rooting, babies don't have a huge amount of movement, however activities such as putting baby on their tummy (tummy time) (always supervised) can help to develop their motor skills, using their neck and shoulder muscles which will help them to sit up and, in time crawl and then walk (and then they are off so don't forget to enjoy them while they stay in one place!).  Claire has written a blog all about tummy time, which you can find here. 

• Bath time - babies love water and giving them a nice warm bath may help them to relax and can sometimes stop them crying instantly. They can move their bodies feeling weightless as it’s replicating the womb-like world, making them feel safe. I loved bathing with my son when he was smaller, it was so lovely for both him and I to have that quiet skin to skin time before bed (now he 16 months old, it's more of a splash fest and not so relaxing!!). One tip though is to look at your bathroom lights - with baby lying flat it maybe too bright for them and may be best to bath with natural light from the window, if it’s light enough, or from the landing / room next door. *also always make sure that you have someone else to help you in and out of the bath with baby to ensure that you are both nice and safe.

The Fourth Trimester is an important time for the entire family.  As your baby develops and tries to make sense of their new surroundings, many learning curves take place. Unlike many other mammals when humans are born, babies are completely reliant on their parents for not only food to survive, but comfort to feel safe.  Unable to move on their own accord YOU are their entire world, their protection and their food source and this in itself is a huge learning curve for  parents. 

No matter how excited and prepared you thought you were, no matter how long you have waited, the journey you may have taken to get here, suddenly being responsible for another human 24hours a day, 7 days a week is a huge transition for anyone! It is important to be kind to yourself - learning who you are in this new role will take time, patience and practice! 

Getting to grips with the new family dynamics, the new pace of life, the overwhelming demands (the hormones!) - it can sometimes feel like once you have learnt to deal with one situation/established that longed for routine, that suddenly before you know it the wind has changed, and there’s something else brewing up ahead. This for me sums up parenthood, as personally I felt I was only just getting used to pregnancy and then my son appeared.  It seems an ongoing theme, once you get used to one stage, think you have finally ‘got it’ but they have already moved on to the next stage and the hard work, self-doubt and new challenges are coming at you from all angles! Oh, what fun! Thankfully the rewards are so much greater, so even on the hard days,  the days where you think back to when you could enjoy a cup of tea while it was still warm, that little face looks at you and you know it’s all worth it! 

Even thinking back to the birth, for myself and so many it may not have been for example the water birth you intended and having your baby welcomed by 48 (ish- well it definitely felt like it!) hospital professionals in a theatre was not really my plan or indeed ‘birth preference’, nor were the weeks of recovery afterwards, but again…when that wee face looks at you, you consider going through it all again!

As mentioned, it takes time for baby to get used to their new environment, and for parents their new roles, doing all this while also allowing your body (and mind, pesky hormones!) to recover from childbirth is also an important part of the fourth trimester. Whether your baby was born by a planned c-section, a home birth, water birth etc all women need time to heal physically and emotionally.  

Try and use these early months to take life slowly, take your baby’s lead and nap when you need to nap (it’s such a cliche and yes always easier said than done, but honestly even just ten minutes can do the world of good and help reset your mind). 

Finally, here are some more ideas that may help you during your fourth trimester…

• Create your own ‘baby bubble’ set rules with your partner re guests/visiting family members, time of day, how long for, possibly only one set of guests that week/day/weekend - whatever feels right for you and your new family, is right! (And this is completely individual, there is also nothing wrong with having the entire village round to meet you from the hospital with your new family member if that feels right to you.)

• Fuelling your body correctly - in the first few weeks/months of parenthood your energy levels will be tested, your sleep will be disturbed (there’s a reason sleep deprivation was a form of torture!) and you will need to ensure you are eating well to fuel your recovering body. Focus on nutrient-rich foods, lean meats and proteins, lots of whole foods, fibre, and of course the all-important fruit and vegetables! Think colour, the more colourful your plate the healthier is it! Try to make snacks nutritious too (as well as the much-needed treats!) think natural yogurt, fruit and nuts, fresh smoothies, and snacking on such things as oat cakes, rye bread with cottage cheese etc. Snacks will become your best friend in these early months to keep you going! 

• Hydration, especially important if your baby is going to be breastfed, as mum will constantly feel thirsty - as water makes up two-thirds of our entire body it is important to drink regularly throughout the day, ideally every time your baby is fed whether breast or bottle while doing so, drink a glass of water. Also having a refillable bottle of water with you while out walking or in the car will help you up your fluid intake.

• Once you are physically ready (and not before) plan a short walk every day.  Fresh air is so important for you and baby and that change of scene will be beneficial too!

• One of the biggest things you can do to help yourself is ASK FOR HELP. Whatever you feel you need support with, whether it feels a big deal or not, it will only get better if you are able to seek help! Feel empowered in the fact you can ask for help, whether it’s asking a friend to pop in so they can have baby for an hour while you sleep/shower/eat, employing a cleaner to take some of the load off, asking your partner to be more involved or seeking a professional to help with breast-feeding etc.

• Ask to have a birth debrief to help you recover from the possible trauma you both my have had/or even just to understand what happened as it can be such a blur (I highly recommend this, I really struggled afterwards with wishing it has gone a different way, but after my birth debrief and having a professional talk my birth notes over with me I felt more settled and at peace with it, enabling me to put that energy in to bonding with my baby instead of feeling frustrated and focusing on something that I could never change.

• ‘You time’, take time when you can to enjoy a moment of calm, or do something you enjoy. You will feel so exhausted but giving yourself some self-love time is so important. So run that bath, put on that series you never had time to watch, meditate, cook/bake, read, stretch, get out in that garden and do anything that makes you feel like you.  Looking after yourself is as important as looking after your baby. I always think of that infamous advice you get told in so many parenting books regarding the oxygen mask on the plane…no point you putting baby’s mask on and then passing out is there?!

Most importantly enjoy this special time, look after yourself, physically and mentally, soak up those new baby smells and savour those happy moments, know the harder ones will get easier - although it may not feel it at the time! Seek support if you need it, know you’re doing a fantastic job and that you are enough. Your little one is lucky to have you.

Helpful links

Skin to skin top from Seraphine (I lived in one for months!) 

Post-natal depression support groups:
www.pandasfoundation.org.uk

www.apni.org

www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk

www.mind.org.uk

You can also talk to your GP, Health Visitor or Midwife

While you are here you might want to have a look at our newborn webinars which include: Welcoming your newborn, Caring for your newborn (including bottle feeding) and Breastfeeding.  A link to these and our other webinars is here.

Don’t forget that we also offer parent consultations should you need support with anything. Details of the packages we offer can be found here.

We also have a podcast - ‘Newborn to Teen and Everything in Between’ - listen here.