Written by Anna Turner, Childcare Consultant

Over the last few years I have been training and working with young children and adults in either a counsellor/nanny or a play therapist role, including working as a volunteer for schools, youth agencies and the children’s mental health charity, Place2Be. Having been a nanny for over a decade, and currently working as a childcare consultant for the recruitment agency, Randolphs, I have built up my experience of recognising and supporting children’s behavioural issues and challenges. More recently, I completed a training course with the organisation Play Therapy UK, which uses neuroscience and play therapy techniques for children aged 4-11 years.

During this time of lockdown, I have had many conversations with parents, friends and colleagues about how school will be for our children when they go back – both on an emotional and physical level. We are entering the unknown when it comes to fully understanding what the long-term effects will be for children who have been forced into different routines before being re-introduced to what could be a very different environment – one where safety, health and hygiene is now paramount, where they may not allowed to play with the same friends, join in with class assemblies, or even hug their best friends. 

How are you?

My first question to ask parents before delving into their child’s concerns or behaviour, is not “How are your children doing?” or “How are they feeling about going back to school?” But, “How are you?” I would then ask them: “What are you thinking about the proposal that selected years could be going back to school? What does that mean for you if you have a child that fits into that category and a sibling that doesn’t? How are you managing your work schedule whilst home schooling? Are you getting the right support to be able to take time out for yourself to keep your mental energy up whilst we try and navigate through this?” The reason why I focus my questions in this way is because this experience has not only been very different for children, but it has taken a great deal of adjustment for parents too. Your mental health during this time is so important to remember and value and I would urge you to try and think about how you can relax and unwind yourself too whilst you navigate your way through this. 

It may be that you choose not to send your child back to school – perhaps you have someone in your home who has a health concern which may make them vulnerable to coronavirus. It could be that you are worried that it is happening too soon – are we testing enough? Do we have enough evidence that the infection rate is dropping?  There are a lot of ifs and buts. How do we prepare the children emotionally if a sibling or friend goes back and they don’t? What will the teachers be offering with regards to work coming home? Will there be an option for online schooling so that it doesn’t have to rely so heavily on your time throughout the term? How will they manage the transition when and if all children go back in September?

These questions may seem time consuming and perhaps not relevant to your household right now, but it is important to think about yourself and how you are going to give the next phase of their childhood the effort required to support them. And it is a big effort at the moment, especially as your child’s behaviour can potentially feel magnified due to our days no longer being filled with the usual routines and extra curricular activities we once took for granted.

A phased return to school

During the last eight weeks, school leaders, teachers and support staff have provided on site care for vulnerable children and the children of critical workers. Now, in a move described as the ‘roadmap for recovery’, there will be a phased return of some children to school, no earlier than 1 June. This includes children in Nursery classes, Reception classes, Year One and Year Six. For secondary schools there will be some face-to-face opportunities for learning with Year 10 and Year 12 pupils before the summer break.

Parents who decide not to send their children back have been advised that there will be no fines should you decide to continue home schooling. You can find more information on this by visiting the Gov.uk website. 

It is important for you to feel connected to your child’s wellbeing as school starts again. You may be feeling anxious when it comes to thinking about the risks involved with them returning to school, and this is a perfectly normal response to have whilst we wait to see how and when the pandemic will run its course. Try to support other parents with their choices – it won’t be an easy choice either way and the feelings of being judged are not necessary during this current situation. 

Questions to think about if your child is going to be returning to school

In most cases, you will have already received information from your school on its plans for reopening (although there are some councils which say they will not be ready to reopen on 1 June). The information can feel overwhelming, especially when you are hearing different viewpoints from other parents, or you are feeling pressured to make a decision. Here are some suggestions of things to think about asking the school if you haven’t already been told.  The answers to these questions will help you to understand what measures are being put in place and to help prepare the children’s expectations ahead of their return: 

• What are the plans for pick up/drop off, especially for Reception and Year One children who are unable to socially distance in the same way as older children? Will parents still be able to go to the school gate / classroom drop off point with the children? 

• Will the children be required to disinfect their bags/shoes upon entering and wash their hands? If so, what products will be used and how will this be actioned?

• Where will my child be sitting in the classroom? What is the layout and how will that be managed by teachers? How will they explain why these things are in place to the children (this will help you to using similar language to explain what’s happening with your child)?

• How will playtime be managed?

• What are the procedures for lunch time? Will the children be required to queue up? Will the time of their lunch be staggered and how will the school enable the children to feel like they are with their friends but safely monitor their distance? Where will they sit?

• Will the children have any physical contact with teachers, for example if they need assistance when they need the toilet, eating and so on? Will they be allowed to go to the toilet when they want, or only at set times?

• What happens if a child hurts themselves or is ill, how will you support them without physical contact? What will you do if you suspect a child is showing symptoms of Covid-19?

• Will the teachers be wearing masks during the lessons and if so, how will they manage the children not being able to see facial expressions?

Questions to think about or ask if your child is not returning to school

• Will my child continue to receive online lessons / be sent work and activities to do at home?

• Will the teacher be contacting me and my child regularly to touch base?

• Will teachers be guiding parents towards online activities to help support the children?

• Will my child have access to extra support from the school if they need it? (Bearing in mind that some parents may not be natural mathematicians (!) for example.) 

Preparation if your child is going to school

Many of you will have had a timetable of sorts when it has come to your children’s home schooling, therefore when it comes to re-introducing school, it may need some careful navigation and thought. The school that they remember isn’t quite going to be the same – they may be in smaller classes, there may be a lack of toys, now taken away because of hygiene concerns, and the atmosphere with fewer children in the building could be disconcerting for some. 

Firstly, I would recommend drawing a timetable together that shows the days leading up to when they go back. Armed with the information above, you will now have a good sense of what the children can expect each day and therefore can help make the transition as smooth as possible.  Your practice timetable needs to include school lessons, uniform change, washing hands, video calls, play time, mealtimes and bath/bedtime routine

Ideally we would like to have a bit more time to help the children get used to a new idea and change, but this doesn’t mean that we can’t introduce some tools to help support them in their final days at home to make it a positive experience for all. 

The children will have been used to not wearing their uniform. Decide on when your home school starts and finishes and ask the children to wear their uniform every day. One of the things I would bring into this routine is that when they finish home schooling, and eventually when they come home from school, they wash their hands and faces immediately and get undressed into home clothes so that you can hang or wash their uniform and ensure that their shoes are clean for the next day.

Role play is a great way to demonstrate and show how school could be for them. Practise being their teacher (for example, if they are going to wear masks, do so for your child so that they can explore what it is like for them to not see your face). Show them how they may be playing in the playground by taking them outside and with a hoop or wool to demonstrate how close they can be to you. Pretend to be their friend, get down on their level and see if you can think of some games you can play that don’t involve touching each other. If you are required to drop your child off in a certain place and leave them to be collected, practise this in the garden or at home and explore what that feels like to the child. Note your own feelings too so that you can process and assess how you may feel too. 

You may also like to use the child’s favourite toys and set up a school for them allowing the child to visually play with the new situation at hand. This kind of play is directive as you are controlling the content and explaining to the child what will happen for them. There is another very important side to play and that is when it is child led. Allow the child to also have space in their day to explore whatever they would like to, independently and with you. They may start getting nervous about leaving you and experience separation anxiety – something they may not have had since their nursery days, so using reassuring words of encouragement and celebrating small decisions that they make will help them to build their confidence back up. Sentences that start with “I wonder, I notice, it feels like” all helps to open up the communication lines between you and your child. 

Preparation if your child is not going back to school

Be mindful if you have a child returning to school and one staying behind. The child that is staying behind could be worried about feeling lonely or could have feelings of envy that their sibling is seeing their friends and they won’t be.

It could be that your own work situation is changing, and with regards to the schools, if they aren’t an option for you right now, this could prove tricky to manage. When taking into consideration the questions raised earlier, I have put together a plan that can help your child to manage the next few months at home:

• If your child has a sibling that has gone to school, make sure you include a fun activity or something for them to look forward to each day after they return. This can help avoid feelings of jealousy about their sibling who is still at home and may have more access to the fun things they’ve become used to – increased screen time, time with you and so on.

• Research online activities and draw up a new list to help keep your children active, especially as you may have already exhausted some of your original ideas.

• Organise lots of video calls with friends and see if you can organise socially distant meet ups for the children to see each other. If your child gets emotional when on a virtual call, you may want to consider taking a break from them or giving them a task to do when they are on the call with their friend – they could show each other a magic trick or quiz each other on their favourite TV programme. 

• Create a summer plan that includes a different routine, fun days out, special treats (you may decide to continue to home-school during this time to keep a sense of structure which is entirely up to you).

Whether going back to school or not it is important to make time to play

It is easy to take it for granted that children can play every day; however, if they are going to be faced with limited playtimes or new rules about how they can play, we now need to think about how we can make sure they have time to do this at home, whether or not they are going back to school. 

Research shows that play not only is essential for the conscious mind, but it is also valuable for the unconsciousness mind too. Play is the most important part of child development and something we always need to be mindful of - it is a child’s natural language. 

If you can make space for at least 30 minutes minimum of play each day using puppets, miniature animals, dolls, cars, bricks - anything that your child loves to play with.  This could really help your child verbalise and process their feelings. You will have noticed that children like to take on different voices and characteristics whilst playing with their toys to tell a story. In play therapy this is described as ‘using metaphor’. Did you know that more of your brain lights up in response to using metaphor than any other form of human communication about emotions? By playing, your children are creating new neural pathways which are vital for them to record new experiences in a positive way. 

In summary making the decision as to whether or not to send your child back to school is a difficult one, but there is no right or wrong answer and it has to be what feels right for you.  In the meantime, here are a few things to keep in mind, which I hope will help you and your children as we navigate these tricky times:

• Focus on today

• Refine your routine depending on what you decide to do

• Make time for play

• Eat healthily (but don’t think you have to be MasterChef!  It’s all about balance)

• Enjoy the outdoors

• Exercise

• Keep talking – video calls/phone calls or socially safe chats when passing people you know on your daily exercise.

• Self-entertainment – reading, playing, singing or playing an instrument

• Limit the news and only read publications which focus on facts rather than speculation

• Relax with a book, meditation or a bath. 

While you are here why not check out our video guides on various topics including behaviour, sleep, teens and tweens and more - for information - click here.

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